Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Worth it.

30 comments:

Spigot said...

I can't find it now but the other day I was reading about theories describing interests an ideal relationship as a 2 set venn diagram. The idea was that the intersection should be equal to the rest, proposing that two people in an ideal relationship should collectively have as many shared interests as they did seperate ones - albeit potentially non symmetrically.

Great blog. The world needs more charts.

Anonymous said...

working lesbian relationship

Lin said...

Oh, anonymous beat me to it...
I was about to write "where does one find a man who fits that description?"
/sadly not a lesbian ;)

Anonymous said...

Love this blog. Though to add to lin's comment, "Where does one find a woman who fits that description?"

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree that this relationship works. If both parties are giving more than they are taking... then what happens to the left overs? This is an inefficient relationship. Both parties are giving more than the other will take creating a stressful "you dont appreciate what I do for you" situation for everyone involved. One says "Here, look what I did for you.." and the other says "um, yeah, ah, thanks. So why did you do that?"

henrymvc said...

Could it be Offer instead of Give ?

ctrlalteredmind said...

shouldn't A and B zones be reversed on one of the charts? Assuming normalization, both can't give more than the collective can take ( or perhaps, I need to understand working relationships better :) )

Anonymous said...

I don't think that the give for either side should be equal. The fact that each person is giving more than the other person takes represents to me that the partner isn't demanding everything that the other person can give, making it less stressful. If someone was taking everything that you have to offer, that would be a tiring relationship, don't you think? Having a little extra to spare could be nice.

Anonymous said...

Are you sure that A and B are not reversed for both parties? Of course, it all depends on the definition of working... and the duration that the relationship has to work for...

Anonymous said...

Wow, stop over-analyzing. I'm pretty sure she's saying that in order for a relationship to work, both have to give more than they take. It's all about each putting the extra effort into compromising.

Anonymous said...

Does the giving has to be limited to just the other party? Perhaps if there's some giving left over for the universe it's proof that the relationship is worth something.

Dain said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ChangelingJane said...

<3

This is much easier if you find happiness first, then start a relationship. "I'm nothing without you" might sound romantic, but in reality it's just co-dependency. I much prefer co-independency.

KAPUNA said...

You certainly are adept at getting folks to think a just little deeper than usual young lady!

Good Work! Can't wait for your calendar.

Anonymous said...

maybe not measuring the give and take and just concentrating on being kind and caring toward others (esp the one you love) would be the way to go!

Douggie said...

"This is much easier if you find happiness first, then start a relationship. "I'm nothing without you" might sound romantic, but in reality it's just co-dependency. I much prefer co-independency."

add that with today's notecard and you have a working relationship [at least, 9 times out of 10 I'd assume]

mar said...

so worth it.

EagleEye said...

who is A?
This relation isn't symbiotic,guess A is a male;-)

Spigot said...

A is clearly "give" not a person. not a tricky one to work out I don't think.

lexica510 said...

To all the people saying "that doesn't work, it's inefficient, it's stressful" -- I'm curious, what's your relationship history?

My husband and I just had our 10th anniversary, we're happier now than we ever have been, and when we saw this one we both said "Yeah, that's about how it works out."

cfern.canto said...

People are trying to make *mathematical* sense out of this chart. And then people wonder why what's the reason behind the "socially inept" nerd stereotype...!

Keeping in mind that I should be the LAST person to understand or agree with the chart, but... I do.

Andy said...

My father used to say, "If you think that you are giving up 2/3, the other person will think that maybe you are getting close to 50%!"

Now that I'm entering the cocktail hour of life, I see that he was right!

Twitch said...

See, the distinction is between two things: what you put into a relationship, and what the other person gets out of it. You should always get more out of it than you put into it, but that is because you should always get more out of it than they put into it. If the amount of sacrifice and the amount of gain were always perfectly equal, no one would ever enter into a relationship: why do so if you have nothing to gain? But they aren't. The point of being in a relationship - the entire point - is that both of you stand to gain enormously through making smaller sacrifices.

This is not, of course, to say that relationships do not require effort, nor to say that putting more effort into a relationship will not yield more gain (although there is an optimum level of effort, beyond which it begins to damage, rather than help), but simply to say that what you get out of it is, simply by definition in a healthy relationship, worth more than what you put into it.

And this conclusion leads to another, more interesting one; it reads, simply: If the benefit you are deriving from a relationship is significantly more valuable than the sacrifices you are making for it, then that is a healthy relationship. ("Benefit" here is not a selfish word: making someone else happy can count as a benefit.) Otherwise, it is not.

I'm not sure if I like that conclusion or not.

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Anonymous said...

Sorry, too abstruce.

ThroughWaters said...

I like to remember that it's not a closed system and that the overflow of giving from this kind of healthy relationship makes the world better for people around them.

Tristan said...

i thought ABC means "always be closing"

what a nice tagline to a relationship

Calli Arcale said...

I like it. For those wondering how there can be more giving than taking, a relationship doesn't have to be a zero-sum game, and probably shouldn't be. What makes it so neat is that when both parties are giving more than they are receiving, the result is a net increase. The two together are stronger than the two separately.

I like this very much. An elegant representation.

Anonymous said...

I think this model for love and relating is wonderful. More people should follow it. Now my questions is, what do you do it the partner doesn't accept your help or tends to withdraw? Do you give more? How do you maintain balance? The balance of support and allowing independence is a fine one, especially in this day and age.

 
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